Leadership is influence. Leadership is a mandate you are given in a relationship that allows you to influence the other person.
However, there is a definite prerequisite for leadership to happen. There first needs to be contact: a connection with the other person.
My definition of conflict is:
“When two incompatible strategies for fulfilling our needs cause emotions that make a mutually satisfying solution harder to achieve.”
Conflicts arise when our strategies for fulfilling our needs are incompatible with the strategies of others, and when that gives rise to feelings that make it harder to achieve a solution or way forward that is satisfying to all parties involved.
Sometimes I come across people who seem convinced that they already know everything, or that something can only be a certain way. Sometimes I become aware that I myself have these predetermined mindsets about things.
Is there room in your cup?
There is a teaching story about a man who visited an old Chinese woman known for her wisdom, happiness and insights into leading a fulfilling life.
A trip to a nearby mall with my kids reminded me of one of the most important lessons about being a successful leader in your own life.
In fact, it is one of those old, well-worn pieces of wisdom that can make a huge difference to the quality of our lives. So, without further ado, here it is.
OK, so let’s clarify right away that it was not a major crash. Some cuts and bruises, a ruined pair of jeans and slightly battered self-confidence. But it provided some useful lessons upon reflection.
I realize that I am probably a bit of a learning—and teaching—nerd. My first thought after the crash, after checking that all bones and joints were still in their right places, was to ask myself: “What happened here?”, “What can I learn from it?” and finally, “How can I use that in the future?”
Before giving someone feedback, it can help to pause and ask yourself three quick questions. They have made a huge difference for me in how I approach feedback.
Buying a new shaver might seem like a somewhat trivial experience. But when I bought one, it gave me several reminders about life and leadership.
So, let’s take a deeper look at acquiring a new machine to groom my face and see what we can learn from it.
Some time ago, I started playing a game on my smartphone called Real Racing 3. It was a lot of fun, but this is not meant to be a game review. It is about something the game reminded me of: how we learn, develop and move towards mastery in leadership and life.
Change is first and foremost internal, not external.
Herein lie both the bright side of change and the dark side, or heaven and hell, if you will.