Before giving someone feedback, it can help to pause and ask yourself three quick questions. They have made a huge difference for me in how I approach feedback.
1. Is my feedback necessary?
Think about what the feedback could contribute. Is it important for the work, the profitability of the organization or the well-being of the team?
Ask yourself whether there is something useful that needs to be addressed, rather than simply something you feel an urge to comment on.
2. Is my feedback thought through?
Have I thought about how I want to give this feedback and why I am giving it? Or am I reacting in the rush of the moment?
A short pause can help you become clearer about what you want to communicate and what you hope the conversation will make possible.
3. Is my feedback loving?
Am I giving it as a gift to help develop the other person and the relationship between us?
For me, loving feedback means approaching the person with care and respect. That can include being clear about something difficult. The question is whether my intention is to help, and whether that intention is reflected in how I speak and listen.
Before giving feedback, ask yourself: Is it necessary? Is it thought through? Is it loving?
Try it before your next feedback conversation
Think of some feedback you are considering giving. Take a moment to answer:
- Necessary: What makes this important to address?
- Thought through: What do I want to say, and why?
- Loving: How can I show care for the person and our relationship while being clear?
Use your answers to prepare. Then make room to hear the other person’s perspective, too.
If you’d like your team or managers to practise giving feedback together, explore my speaking and workshops.