Leadership is influence. Leadership is a mandate you are given in a relationship that allows you to influence the other person.
However, there is a definite prerequisite for leadership to happen. There first needs to be contact: a connection with the other person.
So the first task of the leader is to create contact.
This contact has two different aspects: connection with yourself and connection with others.
Connecting with others—and yourself
One aspect is, of course, the ability to create contact with the other person or the group. Then again, a group is made up of relationships, so it is always about creating contact in a relationship.
The other aspect needs to happen first, though, for leadership to succeed. That is the ability to create contact with yourself.
This contact with yourself is sometimes described in terms of presence, mindfulness or authenticity.
A person who is fully in contact with themselves is better placed to bridge the gap to another human being, reach through the everyday clutter of impressions, information and input, and create a connection with that person.
When other key elements, such as trust, respect and openness, are present in the relationship, influence is allowed to happen and effective leadership can occur.
What gets in the way?
Common blocks to contact with oneself can include, for example, self-justification, fear, overwhelm, stress and analysis paralysis.
Common blocks to contact between individuals include fear, an excessive need for control, judgement and irresponsible communication. Another obstacle is when neither person—including the person seeking to lead—is able to establish genuine contact with themselves.
So the first skill of leadership is establishing contact, with yourself and then with others. The second skill, once contact is established, is the ability to use your personality appropriately to influence the other person in the desired way.
Try this in your next conversation
Before focusing on what you want to say or achieve, take a moment to ask yourself:
- What am I noticing in myself right now?
- What might be getting in the way of listening to this person?
- What could I do to create a stronger connection before moving forward?
Choose one small thing to try. Afterwards, reflect on what you noticed and what difference it made to the conversation.
If you’d like support exploring your own leadership and working relationships, read about individual coaching.