A trip to a nearby mall with my kids reminded me of one of the most important lessons about being a successful leader in your own life.
In fact, it is one of those old, well-worn pieces of wisdom that can make a huge difference to the quality of our lives. So, without further ado, here it is.
The end result is not the only thing that matters. The journey on the way there can hold gifts of its own.
Two presents and a trip to the mall
When I plan and take trips with my kids, I tend to run into trouble if my main focus is the end result.
In this case, the “goal” of our trip was to go to a mall some way from our home to buy two birthday presents. Both kids had been invited to separate birthday parties later that afternoon, so the apparent purpose of the trip was to get presents for their friends.
What this trip reminded me of was something I had learned previously with my kids. If I use the purchase of those two gifts as my measure of success, if that task is my main focus, I tend to get irritated at several things they do.
When they walk slowly, looking at every little bush or bug along the way, while I want to get to the store and back. When they want to visit another part of the mall—or seven other parts—rather than the one I had intended. When they do not sit straight and still on the train.
Making the journey the main event
Now, here is the trick, the magic key if you will: to focus on the journey. To make the adventure together the main event. Then the two presents become a by-product of that adventure.
On this occasion, we had to walk for 25 minutes to get to the train station. Well, it would have been a 15-minute walk at a steady pace, but if you have or have had young kids, you get the idea. Then came a 20-minute train ride, followed by another 15-minute walk.
Had I been solely focused on getting the two gifts, I would have missed the marvelous gifts along the way. In my attempt to be effective, I would have become stressed, irritated and off-center.
Instead, focusing on the journey made room for wonderful games, such as crossing a tiled square without touching a line—and there were lots of them.
There was the amazing sound of streams in the spring weather, as water made its way from our neighborhood through the creeks to the local lake, and onwards towards the ocean waiting to embrace it.
There were the kids’ experiments with balance as the train moved, the request to stop for smoothies at the juice bar—and boy, were they yummy—and the laughter as we explored the mall together.
I might have arrived home with two presents anyway, but I would have missed out on the real gifts.
Focusing solely on the two presents, I would have missed the present.
Who do you become along the way?
One way I like to think about goals is to ask not only whether you achieve them, but also who you become on the way.
I believe that when we make sure to be fully present and available for the journey, we open ourselves to new possibilities. We also create opportunities to nurture our relationships with ourselves and those around us.
So, next time you set a goal, make sure to take time to smell the roses along the way.
Oh, and just in case you are wondering, we did also end up with two great presents, and the kids had a grand time at their respective parties.
Notice the gifts along the way
Think of a goal or task that is taking up your attention right now. Ask yourself:
- What am I using as my measure of success?
- What might I be overlooking while focusing on the result?
- How do I want to treat myself and others along the way?
- What could make the process more enjoyable or meaningful?
Choose one small opportunity to be more present today. It might be listening without rushing, noticing your surroundings or enjoying a moment with someone before moving on to the next task.
If you’d like space to reflect on your priorities and choices, read about individual coaching.