Sometimes I come across people who seem convinced that they already know everything, or that something can only be a certain way. Sometimes I become aware that I myself have these predetermined mindsets about things.
Is there room in your cup?
There is a teaching story about a man who visited an old Chinese woman known for her wisdom, happiness and insights into leading a fulfilling life.
The man had travelled a long way to visit her. They chatted briefly about different things, including the reason for his visit. He explained with great intensity that he wanted to improve his life and better his fortunes.
She offered him tea, which he accepted. She started pouring the tea, and then she just kept on pouring. As the tea approached the edge of the cup, the man began to wonder when she would stop. But she kept pouring until it spilled over.
As the tea continued to overflow, the man exclaimed, “What are you doing?” and jumped backwards to avoid getting soaked.
The woman then said:
“You come here and say you want to learn new things, but your cup is already full. You first need to empty your cup; otherwise, there will be no room for new knowledge.”
When certainty gets in the way
This is part of the problem with knowing for certain. When you feel completely certain about something, it is easy to start treating that knowledge as the only right answer, perspective or way of doing things.
The real potential for mishaps arises when that sense of being right slips into the attitude that another way must therefore be wrong. Or, even worse: if I am right, the other person must be wrong.
Discussions can then become debates about who is right, rather than opportunities to understand each other. That can get in the way of effective leadership, undermine collaboration in a team and dry up an intimate relationship faster than a Saharan sandstorm.
Being willing to question your perspective creates room to learn something you couldn’t see before.
Stay curious about what you believe
So my advice to you? Embrace the possibility of not knowing. Be open to new knowledge that might make you change your mind. Be curious about learning.
Allow yourself to be strong and faithful in your beliefs, but also be ready to question what you have come to regard as the truth.
For me, continuing to grow and learn is an essential part of leadership—and of life.
And of course, tomorrow we might both realize that every word in this text needs another look. :-)
Make room for another perspective
Think of a situation where you feel certain that you know what is happening or what should be done. Ask yourself:
- What have I observed, and what am I assuming?
- What might someone with a different perspective notice?
- What could make me reconsider my view?
- What question could I ask to understand more?
In your next conversation, try asking one genuine question before explaining your own position. Notice what you learn.
If you’d like space to explore your own assumptions and choices, read about individual coaching.